January 3, 2010

Oh gosh, 1130 already and I have forgotten to post. I had half an idea this morning about inertia. What is that feeling we all get before exercise, or getting up early? I don’t want to. That is exactly what my nearly 2 year old daughter says to me when I put her to bed “I don’t want to”. And yet she is grumpy and obviously tired and what she really needs most is to sleep.

Perhaps what I really need most is exercise, but still I don’t want to.

Perhaps there are many great opportunities coming our way but when we hear of them the first reaction is “I don’t want to” we feel tired at the thought, it’s too much effort. But pushing through the initial resistance can get results.

This morning I did get out of bed despite not wanting to, wrote morning pages and went for a walk. And of course it was all great, but somehow don’t think this will be happening tomorrow!


best poem

January 1, 2010

Not wanting to make life easy I have signed up for NaBloPoMo yet again for the month of January. Hopefully this month will be better as I plan to have internet access for the whole time (unlike November) despite the fact that I will be moving around a lot, thanks to a lovely little USB modem device I now have.

The theme this month is “best” so I give you my best poem, written today. It is also my only poem. Enjoy.

pack pack pack pack pack

clean clean

pack pack drive

d’oh run back to house

drive music drive drive whinge eat toilet stop sausage rolls

drive sleep


hello hello unpack walk down hill beach sand surf photos hot chips rock pool ice cream

wine dinner bath story bed more dinner talk talk talk talk dishes talk

card game lights off bed

morning breakfast abc cartoons cereal board shorts buckets sunscreen hats walk down hill


rock pool swim walk chat cafe ice cream back up hill

showers and lunch talk talk dishes talk afternoon nap tea time back to beach

more wine dinner dinner talk talk talk dishes

drive shop shop shop presents turkey fruit cake baking trays presents ingredients wrap wrap Santa stockings


drive church singing gospel hymns drive drive champagne presents open wrapping on floor shrieks of delight photos

lunch eat eat eat eat talk talk drink wine fruit cake pudding brandy butter crackers silly hats laughter

dishes dishes talk dishes tea time beach walking rain talk wine music sparklers dancing night falls

morning breakfast drive drive hot dogs cinema popcorn

board shorts buckets sunscreen hats beach rock pool swim walk chat cafe ice cream

wine dinner bath dinner talk talk talk talk dishes

repeat repeat repeat repeat

pack pack pack pack clean clean clean clean clean

clean pack hot hot

drive music drive burgers chips drive drive drive

unpack unpack hot tired bath dinner bed

experiment not going well

November 20, 2009

Hm, we are in about day 5 of this ridiculous no-internet caper and I am about to cave in. Surely I never said a month? How about a week??

The non-virtual world is overrated. Obviously I was just harking back to some nostalgic fantasy about being more authentic and interacting face to face. The reality of life with no internet is just inconvenience.

So here I am wandering around a University campus at the age of much-too-old-to-be-here, at 6am holding a coffee cup and a lap top computer. I haven’t been able to organise our family trip for the summer or paid any bills, or find out what’s on at the movies. I am completely starved of any news or information, I don’t know what’s happened on FB this week, and I am having to find other ways to occupy myself while eating.

I also missed my blog post yesterday because it was 35 degree heat and I just did not have the energy to take myself to the library at night. Which means that I have officially failed BloPoMo. Or perhaps I will just post twice today and cheat (extenuating circumstances).

Having no internet has also changed my relationship with my computer. It used to be my best friend, but now I am no longer feeling such fondness for it any more. It just sits in the corner at home, lifeless. No longer animated by the presence of the whole world inside it.

It’s a funny world when you can keep all your friends and the whole world inside your computer on the shelf… Who would have dreamt about this even 20 years ago?

Having said all that, this experiment may possibly be good for the kids. They seem to appreciate having a person who is actually in the room with them rather than off in cyberspace while keeping an “eye” on them. Sitting around with other adults and chatting while kids play is possibly not much different for the adult but maybe is a different experience for the kid, rather than having a parent type into a screen.

I read a novel.


clothing concerns

November 17, 2009

What are words but thoughts, and every piece of writing a series of thoughts, the connections between them are somewhat unpredictable and lead to the uniqueness of the piece.

Today I went to visit a brand new shopping mall in my area, blah blah. Unsurprisingly, it turned out to be exactly like every other shopping mall in the city, country and possibly many other countries like ours…

Anyway the mall looked good initially, some of the clothing stores even held items that I found appealing – on the rack. Because I usually have so much trouble with clothing shops I tried a new strategy, which was to picture each item of clothing on an extremely fat person I know, and if it seemed a reasonable outfit for them, I would try it on.

Not that I am morbidly obese but size 12-14, a few kg overweight, with many saggy areas. I also happen to be short and shall we say well endowed, and this has created a lot of difficulty for me in recent times. So what that means is having spent the first 30 years of my life as a size 8, I tend to still imagine myself that way and then get a nasty surprise when I find myself hanging out of the wrong clothes in all sorts of inappropriate places. I am not big enough for plus-size shops but find myself staring longingly at them for items that just look more wearable.

I have heard that young inhabitants of the province of Ning Bo in China sometimes come to Australia and at first they might feel terribly excited about the amount of shops we have. After a few visits to the malls they can be found gathering in small groups and giggling whenever shops are mentioned. It may take a bit of questioning but what they find really funny is the lack of choice in Australian clothes. At home they seem to have a wide variety of choice. The way it is here, all clothes are a certain type, so that it doesn’t matter which of the thousands of shops you go to, everything is still the same. All jeans are hipsters, all boots are Western style if that’s this season’s look.

In my case for the past few years it means all necklines come down somewhere around my belly button. What is this?? It seems like a carefully crafted piece of torture. Shop assistants peer down their noses in a perplexed fashion when I say I want a higher neck line, as if I must be Amish or something. Meanwhile the problem seems quite obviously, fairly to hit them in the face, but no one is perturbed by this.  I have tried lots of tricks, getting things altered  or “layering” with singlets etc. This just means I get too hot in summer – in the rare event that I find a singlet that stays up.

I guess I must be what fashion magazines now trendily refer to as a “real woman” body shape. Sure, I’ve had 3 children. Yes, I was motivated to lose weight after the first 2 but haven’t quite got back on the program after the 3rd. So as far as I know some of the magazines are running campaigns to use normal size women in their ads, which is great, but I’m not sure what they are going to find them to wear.

I don’t remember having this problem in my 20s at all, when I was size 8. Has my body changed shape so much that I am no longer suitable for clothing –  or have all the clothes changed, leaving a lot less choice in what items are available? If so, what’s behind this kind of fashion fascism?

It’s a big mystery to me. Today I ended up with 2 tops out of about 20 that were reasonable, but not what I would call my first choice of clothing, and a couple of singlets that are already falling short of basic decency.

Next time I will head for the vintage shops. I’m just waiting for someone to design a new clothing line to fix this problem. Surely it’s a niche in the market for someone to capitalise on. There must be other ladies out there with the same issue, surely?